Princess Agents 特工皇妃楚喬傳, Chapter 161 English novel translation

Princess Agents - 特工皇妃楚喬傳 

Chapter 160 synopsis:  Chu Qiao spends about four months in Bian Tang to recover from her injuries and illness, but she spends most of her days sleeping and tucked away from the world.  Her servant MeiXiang, the rest of her make-shift family and the remnants of the XiuLi army are with her.  She wants to leave for fear of retribution from DaXia against Li Ce but that problem seems to have settled itself.  It seems the new Minister of Defense, the leading seat of the DaXia government, has given up on pursuing her. In the interim, DaXia is still trying to marry off a princess to him.  It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to her that they would give up so easily, having made so many enemies in DaXia.  Li Ce tries to give her hints to encourage her to start living for herself, and think about who might be her great benefactor who would sacrifice everything, and move heaven and earth to keep her safe.

Chu Qiao thinks about it for an entire night, and her thoughts led to an amazing hope.  She started to shake and cry and laugh like a happy child, and once again she wanted to live.

At the end of her four months she leaves Li Ce, asking him to take care of the XiuLi Army for her, and wanders to DaXia in the rainy wintertime.  It's mild compared to Yan Bei, and during her sojourn she starts to doubt herself.  If it was Zhuge Yue who saved her, she wondered what kind of position he had now, and how would he still want anything to do with her since she nearly killed him several times before, and she doubted if they could just put the past behind them.  Otherwise, if it was Yan Xun who just let her go, what would she do then?

She didn't have the courage to find any answers.  She instead rented a room in XiangYang, just in time for the Lantern Festival.  That's where we begin….

Chapter 161: Where the Light Ends

In the blink of an eye, seven or eight days passed, and it was the end of the year.  Inside the city of XiangYang the colorful strings of lights were on display, the celebratory air densely concentrated. Her landlady next door saw that she was a young lady living by herself there, and repeatedly invited her to spend the new year with her family, but was rejected.

After another three days, the annual Lantern Festival began.  A light snow fell in the early hours of the morning but the snowflakes melted before falling to the ground.  All around the trees were powdered with thin layers of snow, and far off in the distance, a far away mountain peak was a vast expanse of white, as were the veins of mountain streams.  The entire city was full of phoenix trees (TN: a deciduous tree, sometimes shown with light purple clustering flowers), sheltering them from the sun, and the scenery was truly picturesque. 

Her landlady was a rotund woman in her thirties, very kind in nature and behind her knees were a pair of children (TN: son and daughter).  Her husband was a private teacher inside the city and they could be considered fairly well off.  The little girl seemed to take a liking to Chu Qiao and everyday she would stretch her neck and take a peek at her whenever she passed their door.  Her older brother thought his sister's behavior curious, and sometimes would give her a boost up to let her climb onto the blue wall to get a better look.

When dusk came, Chu Qiao was afraid her landlady would come again to call her to eat with them, so she went out alone.  The sky was not yet dark and the lantern market had not yet opened, but the street was already busy with noise and excitement.   Everywhere people were bustling about.  A variety of snack stalls were lined up on the main street, peddling boiled wine, shredded tobacco, rouge, toys all on XiangYang's main street.  Chu Qiao thought this place was too busy and shortly avoided it.

Because of the festival, the wives and ladies of the large households who normally did not go out were now coming out of their manors in droves.  On the street a few people rode in sedan chairs and in light carriages.  One passed by Chu Qiao's side.  Occasionally a thread of laughter floated by along with the warm southeasterly wind from the lake in the distance.  It was a happy and auspicious, tranquil atmosphere.

Compared with the rouge and cosmetic powder and bright greens, Chu Qiao was rather plain. But her clothes were after all a product of the Bian Tang royal palace, and in contrast with ordinary clothing it was gorgeous and exquisite.  Pale grey clouds were threaded thinly onto the pink jacket fabric, pale blue lotus root patterns were embroidered over a long white, thin silk skirt along with very pale silk thread forming clusters of pale magnolias.  Looking from afar, they looked pure, fresh and harmonious.  In addition, her calm and collected demeanor with her youthful appearance made several scholars and noble sons, without exception, fall over each other in their eagerness to gaze at her.  Occasionally there were some who wanted to go in front and strike up conversation or chat with her, but as they walked in front of her they became a bit shy, and only felt that her chilly disposition was unlike the reservation of ordinary girls, rather, it was that she absolutely did not even consider these types of people worthy.  After a brief hesitation, they saw she had already gone far away.

The sky gradually turned dark, joining together with the twilight.  The ruler of heaven, making things easy on everyone, bestowed a full moon on this night with tiny stars sparsely scattered.  The thin moonlight screened through the abundant tree foliage and the shattered light fell gently on her shoulders.

This was not the first time she had come to XiangYang City.  Three years ago she had taken her soldiers here during their flight from the imperial capital.  En route they had accidentally run into the siblings Zhao Song and Zhao Chun'er.  After escorting them back she suffered Zhao Chun'er's vengeance.  Then, she was sold to the Zhan Household, and from there, found three of her sisters, including ZhiSu.

The years became vague and time was fleeting, like running water.  She had not heard any news about Zhao Song in many years.  That year after stirring up trouble that particular prince of the royal household must have taken himself out of the running for DaXia's throne due to his disfigurement.  Even more so, Zhao Chun'er had withered into the mud, every step sullying herself as she went deeper into hell, and now, news of her has scattered into the wind and it was unknown if she was dead or alive.  Even more likely was Jing ZhiSu returning to the Yellow Springs and becoming a spirit whom no one pitied in this chaotic world.

Chu Qiao's mouth lifted, showing a trace of a faint smile, and that smile was so thin that even before it reached her face it was already gone.  It looked like a tendril of smoke, sadly scattered by the cold wind.

Perhaps, only Liang ShaoQing could really live through his days to his heart's content.  In this world, those who are too lucid will always be unhappy.

In the distance there was a brilliant display of bright lanterns glowing.  Reds, greens, golden and deep pink, a palette of colors.  Firecrackers rang out with the lively laughter of children.  The hawkers were shouting to the enchantingly beautiful ladies, followed by the faint breeze blown from the lakeshore.  She heard all of this, like a gentle cold flame that gave a warm light but was absent any warmth whatsoever, as if she was hearing it all from another world.

The Lantern Festival, it's been so long.

She lifted her head and gazed out, her vision vaguely perforated through years and through time, into a freeze frame of the first day, to a small chestnut horse, the white fur cloak of a child, his arm offering a white rabbit lantern.  Then, standing behind the youth, a man turned his head and his eyes were cool and quiet.  She had always thought it was cold and detached, heartless cruelty, an icy coldness that was absolutely without temperature.  His eyes were like a mirror, no mater who looked into it, it would only reflect the chill.  From that lofty position he looked disdainfully at all the mere mortals beneath him.

However, when she once again thought about it from the beginning, she seemed to distinctly gaze into the bottom of those eyes, and she saw a glimpse of some meaning hidden deep within that gaze, but they were tightly suppressed, unable to wrest free.

If they had not gone through the shuffle of the Lantern Festival, if a child's firecrackers had not scared the small horse, if she had not galloped outside of the city to spend a night with Yan Xun trekking through the snow, would one of the threads of Fate have come out differently then?

Perhaps it would not; perhaps the fist that ought to have been clenched would continue to be clenched; the sword that ought to have been raised would still be raised; and the oath that ought to have been broken would still be broken. Everything would still gradually go accordingly on its fixed course, and no one was able to escape their fated reincarnation.

But, at the very least, if not for that separation, then today's reverie of him and the Lantern Festival did not only have that blurred vision of his back but it was also illuminated in warmth.

Without even noticing, she had already walked a long ways, to a large, thick and tall elm tree that stood by the lakeside.  It looked to be about thirty or forty years old.  On top it was covered with red strips of fabric and many colored paper cuttings.  It was part of the superstition of the people in the countryside.  They believed a god resided inside the elm.  The sturdier the tree, the more likely it was able to convey the god's intentions.  Over the years people who encountered hardships would come here to pray for matters of the heart to go smoothly, for the safety of others or for the departed.

Chu Qiao stood beneath the tree, and a kind of nameless sentiment came up from the bottom of her heart.  She didn't know what was on that tree, but she quietly looked up and stared at it for a long time, partly squinting, without joy or sadness, and her sight seemed to penetrate the dusty years.  It was as though she was staring into a clear pool of water. 

Stretching out her hand from her chest she only touched one piece of a jade pendant.  Chu Qiao took hold of the jade pendant and she suddenly lost herself in that moment.

It was the same jade she had taken from Zhuge Yue that night when she fought with him at the manor in WuPeng City.  He had even demanded to have it back.  At the time she had impetuously said she lost it in the manor's lake, causing all the servants in Minister Tian's manor to busy themselves for an entire night, sifting through the lake water, and eventually returning without success.

On the day she left Yan Bei she didn't carry anything with her.  Only something now possessed her to hold onto this. 

Time turned like an electric turntable, her memory was like a cold piece of jade stuck onto her chest, and looking up she felt her heart-rending grief accumulate like water.

Moving and turning, eventually her thoughts left that person's face.  Even if the mountains and rivers disappeared through the excruciating years, the opposing but complimentary forces of yin and yang would still be separated; even if the intertwined enmity and resentment between family and country were now cut off between them, it would still be the same.  Moreover with her current body and state of mind, she neither had the courage nor the qualifications to be near him.  (TN: this paragraph was super hard.  I think she feels that even if he was still alive she is no longer qualified to be with him) 

If she closed her eyes she could raise her hand and throw the jade away, undoubtedly in an instant, but there were a thousand trains of thought going through her mind. The universe was toying with her.  She and him, after all, were nothing to one another.  (TN:  He had said this to her before when she left him in Bian Tang) 

She turned to leave but behind her ear she suddenly heard a crisp *ding* as if a slender finger had lightly plucked the string of a zither.  The sound was long and pleasant, and at that moment it went through the nerves of her spine.  She hastily looked back and two gleaming jade lights fell from the elm tree, evenly falling into the palms of her right and left hands.  

Shining white and transparent, smooth and polished.  Whether in pattern or in quality, they were exactly the same. They were indeed a twin pair of jade pendants.  

Chu Qiao was suddenly stunned to a standstill, her heart's blood seemed to boil, churning thoughts climbed from her back to her gullet, a bitter taste choking in her throat, like scalding molten lava, slightly rising to her mouth as if it wanted to come gushing out.

She closed her eyes and had to use all of her strength to be able to force all her misery down and swallow it.

Vaguely, her thoughts looked back and recalled a faint memory weaving together a hazy figure of a man, like a dark cloud upon the scenery.  The man's clothes fluttered, his eyebrows were distinct. With what thoughts did he leave the jade pendant behind, mount his horse, and step by step leave this flourishing tree filled with people's wishes?

Her eyes were sore, but no tears fell.  She stood there silently, without knowing how long, under a row of lit lanterns.  Countless flower boats made their way across the lake and the sound of children laughing came and left her side.  She was not conscious of any of it.  Up until a lantern peddler passed by did she come back to her senses.

The lantern was just the same, its eyes were so amiable, just like the one she had before.  She quietly looked at it, and couldn't stop staring at it.  The peddler then said in a hurry, "I say, Miss, have you chosen what you want or not?"

She paid for it, and then stood on the road with the lantern in her hand, her back thin and indistinct like that of a child.

The crowd of people gradually came over, and she suddenly followed the crowd.  All along the way was the sound of laughter and happy chatter, the deafening sound of drums.  The families of the large houses were setting off fireworks, lighting up the sky with a rainbow of colors.  

The riot of people was like a tide, everywhere smelled of sweet fragrances, the strong aroma of robust wine, the fragrance of roasted meat, and the sweet smells of rouges and powders passed by with the noble ladies, as well as the scent of the first plum blossom buds in the late winter.  Some people commented on lanterns; some people were playing at riddles; some were drinking wine while others were eating dinner; some people were watching the performers while others were singing.

On this night, everything seemed vibrant and alive, their squandered happiness resounding in all directions.  Her eyes looked straight ahead, and she walked along quietly, carefully holding on to the lantern in her hands so that no one would break it. 

The illuminating and glittering light reflected on her face, which appeared so fragile, just like her figure from behind, all alone, incompatible with the hustle and bustle of her surroundings.

Some people noticed her, while others didn't pay attention.  She walked just like this through the stares of so many other people and ignored them, a solitary figure walking forward, without really knowing where she wanted to go.

Finally, the candle slowly burned down low, only emitting a dim light.  She went to the lake side and carefully carried the lantern with both hands.  The jade green lake water wet the hem of her skirt but she didn't even notice.  The withered and yellow branches of the weeping willow on the shore drooped down into her face. The strands tickled, piling up and tangling, like a predestined lock over her shoulders.

Zhuge Yue, it seems I will have to owe you for the rest of my life then.  If we can, in the next life, let's meet again earlier at the right time.

Her pale finger pushed it gently, and the rabbit lantern buoyantly floated far away.  The lake water was rippling and the lantern looked like a tiny boat, floating and bobbing along with each wave.  Gradually integrating into the night's funeral rite, it gently made its journey on the surface of the lake that was glittering with lanterns. (TN: she is saying goodbye to him)

Chu Qiao stood up, staring at it the entire time.  The night wind blew onto her face.  She shuddered in the cold that was like a sharp arrow, lightly scraping itself across her heart.  The world was bright with many colors, like glazed glass, but her heart gradually slipped far away, like that lantern.  The light moved swiftly, and was about to extinguish. She had made the decision to tear asunder her own threads of hope by her own hand, and that world was silently destroyed in her hands. The carved beams and painted rafters of that ornate building housing her hopes decayed into grey, the gemstones and brocades shriveled into nothing.

Her vitality had long since abandoned her and what remained was only a vast, ashen white and limitless dusk.

Suddenly a torrent of waves attacked the little lantern.  A dragon boat leading a flower boat was first to speed over.  The light flickered to the point of almost being extinguished, and its body slanted over looking as though it was about to sink into the water.

Without knowing why, Chu Qiao's already cooled and numb heart abruptly tightened, and she involuntarily took a step forward, her brow slightly frowning, seemingly worried about the little lantern drifting with the current.

At that moment, an even larger lantern floated by.  The silk thread at its top intertwined with Chu Qiao's silk strand at one point, and in that spot it made a few whirls, and quite by accident saved the little lantern, supporting it from capsizing, and set it right again.  It blocked most of the splashing from the flower boat, and slowly led the little lantern to float toward more tranquil waters.  It was also a snow white Jade Hare styled lantern; one large, one small now snuggled up together, giving off a different kind of gentle harmony.  With the larger lantern blocking, the little lantern slightly lit up again, slowly becoming warm and cozy, shining on the waters surrounding it.   

Chu Qiao breathed easier.  Even though the light would eventually go out, it was still good that it could burn a little longer.

She slowly loosened her tightly knit brow and let out a light sigh. She happened to lift her line of sight to the other side of the lake and saw a figure she had long paced the vast dreamscape to find, really and truly appearing before her eyes!

Her entire person felt as though it had been shocked with electricity and she was quietly stunned in that spot.  It was as if she saw him again, just as he appeared back in those days; dressed all in rustling white clothes, a light silk cloak, his ink dark hair half covered, his lips like a drop of vermilion, eyes like a cold lake that could steal away all the lantern lights in her world with just a glimpse. (TN: I thought this was a beautiful phrase)

The trumpets and drums from the dragon boats went across the lake, vaguely blocking their line of sight, with large red silks and satins and celebratory people embellishing the night.  Through the sparse gaps, the four eyes finally crossed through the long and arduous journey of separation, and in an instant, time's wheel turned and what was done was now undone.  (TN: "覆水" could refer to the Chinese idiom 'spilt water can't be gathered up' - or, what is done cannot be undone; 回溯 just means to recall, so I kept the translation simple)  In memory, the scene at the winter lake and the cold and quiet eyes she had engraved into her heart were superimposed onto the clear figure of the solitary man standing before her into one image.  As if a shadow, as if an illusion, he appeared like a flower in the mist.

He too, quietly gazed at her, and his hand also carried a wooden lantern crossbar.  His distant sight affectionately penetrating time, the partings and reunions, and he was equally as astonished.  Turning to the complicated and difficult to understand, he finally, calmly, stopped, solidifying this moment of gorgeous light.

In an instant, thousands of magnificent fireworks were lit behind the two of them.  The bright and large sparks reflected in their intertwined gaze.

Chu Qiao stared at him with eyes he had never seen before.  He absolutely had no idea what words he would use to describe it.  It was like a traveller in the desert who gazed at a mirage.  It was like an abandoned child gazing at her hometown in dreams.  It was if she didn't believe the illusion, but she couldn't bear to look away. Yearning, but also knowing there was no way to attain it, no matter what.  It was the ardent hope of over 600 nights, but with the arrival of daybreak, all of her hope would be broken into pieces in a moment.

Her lips half parted as if she wanted to say something, but alas, could not say anything after all.  The corner of her lips quivered, expanded a bit, evoking, meandering, almost in tatters and at last setting into a curved smile.  But before the smile could reach the bottom of her eyes, two streams of tears then flowed down, followed by a tremulous smile.  Streak after streak the tears rolled sharply down her face, her brows swelled with gratitude and the change of fortune from sorrow to joy.

When the dragon boats drifted away, she suddenly broke into a wild run.  All her life she had been escaping, retreating, staying far away, pushing away.  Even after narrowly escaping death, her heart was now suddenly flustered and falling apart. Would it only be a moment of illusion and a trick of light and shadow, and as soon as she touched it, would the shattered dream disperse and scatter?

The young woman running unrestrained was so anxious the pedestrians all cast curious glances after her, but she didn't care about those things at time like this.  Her clothes were like a faint, distant lotus, flying and floating in her frantic run.  Her knees were weak, her ears were pounding as she crossed the lake embankment, crossed the plum wood, crossed the willow branches until finally, out of breath, she stood there. She felt as though everything was a meaningless curtain fall, not sincere enough to arouse alarm.  (TN: This last sentence had multiple meanings, I stuck with one that seemed to fit the theme of the paragraph.  She still doesn't think he's real)

Zhuge Yue continued watching her, his eyes cold and quiet, his gaze intermingled with a hint of hidden tenderness.

The bustling crowd suddenly came their way, noisily pouring over towards them.

Chu Qiao suddenly became so afraid, different from the fear of death, different from living a life of wandering; in her entire life she was strong willed, her mind steadfast.  In the past ten years or so she had only felt fear twice in her life.  The first time was the moment he fell deep into the lake, and the second time, was now.

Without thinking she reached out her hand and tightly pulled the front of his outer garment, and no matter how the crowd all around pushed and squeezed, she would hold on with a death grip.  (TN: the expression is 'to cling like grim death')

The back of her hand was suddenly covered with a layer of warmth, one hand tightly holding hers.  

The lights dispersed and she leaned into him.  He used both arms to make a quiet space for her, the profile of his figure floating on the horizontal waves of the lake.  She was so close to him, close enough to smell his breath.  Her dark eyes gazed at him, seemingly wanting to bore holes into his face.  

Waves of her tears overflowed, she made an effort to calm herself, but she still could not help raising a trembling hand, as if wanting to touch him lightly.

This was his eyebrow, tall and slender, slightly picked upward, but never really exceeding the crown of his head when he was angry with her; this was his eye, frigid and cold, but never leaving her alone to misery without looking back; and this was his mouth, not talkative and with abundant sarcasm, but never expressing that usual pride and indifference towards her.

The answer she had been pursing all along was right before her eyes. She felt her knees were sore, her entire body weak, and her throat was overflowing with a tinge of repressed sound.  Her stature became soft and she toppled over on one side. He deftly grabbed her waist.  The moment he touched her, it was as if they only saw that time brought great changes, and the wide expanse of years connecting them shuffled back and forth, and then passed.  Her long suppressed sobs were no longer able to be controlled and they flowed from her mouth.  He embraced her and the tears from her eyes fell onto his chest, soaking his outer garment, layer by layer seeping to his heart and lungs.

"Why did you lie to me?  Why didn't you come see me?  I thought you were already dead--"

She choked in her sobs as she complained tearfully.  Her body trembled slightly, saying over and over, "I thought you were dead--"

Zhuge Yue tightly closed his lips without speaking.  He did not come thousands of miles to see her, instead, he just hoped he could come a bit closer to her without disturbing her capacity or her limits.

And the old city of XiangYang was the last city within DaXia close to the Bian Tang border.

He opened his lips several times, after all he didn't know how to face this version of her.  His hands and feet were essentially useless.  Eventually, he forced down the thousands of complicated trains of thought surging, stroked her back lightly, and with a clear voice maintaining his usual demeanor, he pretended to be impatient as he said, "Don't cry.  I'm not dead yet."

"Not being dead, you didn't know to come find me!"

Chu Qiao used an arm to push him away, tearfully wailing, "You don't know how to send a letter?"

She had never cried so much in front of him before, and it seemed her body became unsteady on her feet.  Suddenly those brushes with death and the hardships glazed over and they came and passed and became trivial, vanishing like the mist.  Having pursuers trying to kill him, repeatedly making the mistake of falling into deathtraps, losing hope, and the arduous work of climbing back on top, these two years of narrow escapes all seemed rather insignificant to mention.  (TN: I don't think he had time to write….)

He extended his hand and told her in an overbearing tone, "Come here."

She swiped away her tears, and for the first time in her life she no longer wanted to oppose him and launched her entire body into his embrace, part crying and part scolding him, "You're crazy!"

The arduous journey of separation over mountains and rivers, their country's hatred for one another, striding across life and death, suddenly looking back at all of it, that person's light has journeyed to its end.

Translator's notes:  Nice chapter overall, I think. It was brimming with symbolism, so much that the author was beating you over the head with it.  The yin/yang reference, the full moon and stars in the sky together, the matching jade pendants, the big rabbit protecting the little rabbit on the turbulent water…. I really wanted to strangle someone if they weren't going to meet up.  Even the elm tree spirit was rolling its eyes and telling her to go out and find him. These two are like peas in a pod, from going to the same city, to going out on this night, to buying the same lantern, to going to the river at the same time.  ^__^;  

The jade he hung on the tree was some time ago, but I can't really remember when or from which chapter.  I don't remember if it was two matching jades he hung there as a talisman; maybe he had only worn one of a pair when they were fighting on the roof of Minister Tian's manor?

Chu Qiao wanted to swallow her grief and let it be, thinking they would never see one another again, which made me want to hit her over the head with something.  But she feels damaged and useless and tired, so I'll give her a pass. It may not be appropriate to be with someone even if she had the wherewithal when she is still living this half-life. 

But soon…soon she will come out of this shell with his help.

It seems the author has set them up to be this story's OTP since the first lantern festival and finally, Chu Qiao bares all her emotions for Zhuge Yue to see.  Poor guy doesn't know how to handle weepy Chu Qiao.  The lantern floats towards its final destination.  My ship finally lowers its sails.  It only took 161 chapters....  -Kero